“Do you mind if I go take a thirty-minute break?” I asked my husband when he walked in the door.
“Sure! Why don’t you go take a bath?” he responded.
I was relieved. This was one of those days that motherhood drained every ounce of me. My two-year-old wouldn’t stop hitting, my four year old said, “mommy” about eighty times a minute, my six year old was unusually clingy, and my eight year old seemed to be picking a fight with anyone that came within two feet of her. I thought if I could take a quick breather, everything would be fine.
It wasn’t twenty minutes after being in the bath my six-year-old came sneaking in, crying and asking me for a hug. She didn’t want her daddy to put her to bed, she wanted me. This wasn’t like her. She loved hearing her father read to her, wrestle with her and her sisters, and sing her to sleep. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I was also frustrated that I couldn’t have that small amount of time I asked for.
“What is going on Evelyn?” I blurted out in frustration. “You never act like this. Mommy loves your hugs, but daddy hasn’t gotten to see you as much as me and he would really like to spend some time with you.”
What came next was unexpected. With her little head hung low in devastation, she began to tearfully tell me about a party I didn’t attend for her class.
My heart fell in to the pit of my stomach and my frustrations turned to pure shame. How could I have forgotten the only class party of the year? I remembered seeing the flyers come home in her book bag and I remember throwing each one out when I got stressed about the stack that would stockpile on my kitchen counters.
“I’m not capable of this.” I began to think.
“I’m not enough for four kids” was all I heard in my mind as I burst into tears.
I hugged my daughter, apologized for my mistake, and told her how much I loved her. In that moment, fear crept into my mind and disguised itself as shame. It quickly took me from having a bad day to being the worst mother in the world.
All it took was that one little moment to tear down the truth that I know the Lord tells me throughout His word. He tells all of us:
I am ENOUGH.
“Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?” Isaiah 49:15 ESV
Isaiah speaks to the recognizable love a mother has for her child, so much so that it becomes a rhetorical question. It recognizes that a mother’s love is one of the most powerful kinds of love. What a beautiful reminder that I love my children more than anyone else ever could.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139: 13-14 ESV
God knew me before I was even born. I was made to love and raise my children before they were even a thought that existed in my mind. Just as I was hand-picked, so were my children. God knew my path and my children and appointed me to be the person to love them and teach them above anyone else.
“He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings utter darkness into light” Job 12:22 NIV
It wasn’t until I began to pray and ask God to show me how to be a better mom that I understood the negative thoughts flooding my mind weren’t from Him. It’s He who takes the lies and discouragements that prevent me from believing I’m not enough and replaces them with truth. When we open our hearts up to Him and speak from a place of vulnerability, it’s there He can do the deepest work.
“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.” Romans 6:6 NIV
As a mom, I know I’ll make mistakes. We all will. However, when our identity is firmly rooted in Christ, we no longer must worry about pleasing others, only Him. My mistakes, my sins no longer define who I am, Christ does. As children of God, we are no longer slaves to our sin but set free in Him. Our past doesn’t define us, our motherhood, our love for our children, or anything else in our lives.
“That the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:17 ESV
No matter how hard the circumstance, how difficult the day, or how drained I may feel, God has equipped me to handle it. If I continue to seek Him, He will continue to guide me for whatever He leads me into.
“For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 ESV
Our children are not our own. They are gifted to us from Christ to raise and love. It’s hard to fathom anyone else loving them more, but God does. We, as Christ-centered mothers, have the privilege of coming alongside God and guiding His children toward His plans for them. He utilizes us to be a pivotal tool in forging their little personalities and futures. It’s such a wonderful reminder that He has made us specifically for each moment we encounter. He is the one in control, not us. He is the one who owns them, not us.
“For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen” Romans 11:36
No matter what He calls us to or how difficult a season you may be in, remember that our soul purpose is to glorify Him. We do this by digging deep in His word, so when doubt and devastation want to flood our minds, we can easily identify them with the truth that is ingrained in our minds. The Word is a weapon utilized to combat the fears, anxiety, and lies the enemy so desperately tries to utilize against us. Arm yourselves, mommas.
The biggest mistake we as moms could ever make is to believe the lie that we aren’t enough.
You are uniquely picked and destined to raise your child. Remember this in the tough moments and He will strengthen you in your weakest. You are more than enough, more than capable, and much stronger than you even realize mamma. Don't let the lie that you aren't rob you of the joy of raising the ones gifted to you.
Repeat after me... "I am MORE than ENOUGH". Now go take a deep breath, maybe a bath, a handful of chocolate, and pat yourself on your back. Tomorrow is a new day, full of new opportunities. And I'm confident you're gonna crush it!